So the title of this blog sounds like I'm going to talk about funny stuff... well it might be funny haha, but not so much funny hehe..
I'm not someone who easily gets over emotional, heck life barely even makes me cry. Maybe once or twice a year I have a good cry but for the most part Its never been something I do regularly. Well except for T.V. and movies. I can easily get emotional when I'm watching other people go through life on a glowing screen. Lately tho, I have been an emotional, hot, mess. It's a little ridiculous and somewhat comical. Why is it comical, well I'm glad you asked. ME, the woman who is usually a tough cookie completely LOST it when I could not find the packet of cheese that is included in the boxed macNcheese. Not teared up in frustration, but on the floor sobbing because all I wanted was macNcheese and for the life of me I couldn't find the cheese! I'm glad I was home alone because it was not my finest hour. I found the packet (some how was placed in the coffee.. I'm loosing it) and got to indulge but that wasn't the first or the last time in the past couple of weeks that I totally lost it. What was going on! Is it hormones? Am I finally just letting go of years worth of holding back?
Last weekend at a family get together chatting with my sister in love these words just blurted out of me.. " I am struggling right now because I'm in a season of my parenting where Jylian is about to graduate high school and Micaela is about to be out of elementary" again I almost lost it, since I had an audience I was successful in swallowing the tears and making myself think of something else But I had an aha moment. This is my source of emotional outburst. I'm in a season of my life that I am struggling with, I no longer have babies, toddlers or even young children. I have a houseful of teens and tweens and on top of that, I FEEL ALONE. There are countless blogs, books, groups, pages, recourses for moms with babies, toddlers, preschoolers... But for me a mom with a house full of tweens/teens you really feel on your own.
So momma's Let me tell you I have been through a ton with my oldest Jylian. We started out fighting for our lives and me getting out of an abusive marriage. Then we had four years of just her and me. Back when I was a single mother I worked full time, went to school full time and tried to have some kind of a "dating" life. I taught her how to tie her shoes, potty trained, sent her to kindergarten, then middle school, high school.. talked to her about the birds and the bee's taught her how to drive. 18 years worth of parenting, the good, the bad and the ugly and with all the amazing up, and stressful downs nothing has prepared me for how hard this next stage in parenting is...
Ugh! I can't even type this without completely crying in my cheerios. How after 18 years of fighting for my daughter in the forms of teacher meetings, disciplining, encouragement, sleepless nights, sickness, playing, camping, bike riding, family movie night, family game night, Dr's visits, snuggling, loving. holding on to her precious childhood, On June 1st I'm supposed to just Let her go.
Now I was born to mom, it's probably what I'm best at. Weird huh, most mom's would tell you how they have horrible mom guilt, or how they are not confident in their parenting.. but me I know that I rock it. I'm not bragging.. I also know that I'm terrible at housekeeping TERRIBLE my house will always be the dirty house on the block and I own that too. Sleepless nights with newborns, check, 4 kids at ages newborn 1, 2, and 7.. easy. Potty training? If there was an Olympic sport I would be the gold medalist. Teaching right from wrong, how to be good people Done. How to be good students, my kids are every teacher favorite.. tweens/teens.. easy! Having my babies grow up and go out into the world where they will expand their wings, leave the nest and start their adult lives.... Um No. Can we just stop, please? I realized the other day that I have only 7 years left. Micaela, my youngest, will graduate in 7 years and I am dreading that it's going to go too fast. So yes, I am in a season of my parenting where I am struggling with not having young children anymore. This is where my emotional outburst is coming from and I think it's important that I'm honest with myself that I'm a little sad and that's okay. Now on the flip side its a ton of fun having older kids, our adventure's are amazing and so is our conversations. But I'm here for you momma's, I feel ya, If you are having a hard time letting go of your babies you are not alone. Even though I'm so enjoying my kids at this age I also miss those chubby little ones that needed me so much, the good news is tho, they still need me and even better they want to be around me too.